Yo dont text me then not text me
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
This is the high leading the old right now
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
