and i looked up. we had an audience...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
