True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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