Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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