Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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