We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
