The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
