Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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