he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
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