Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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