He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
