goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
what day is it and did you see me today?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
