dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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