never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
