I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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