So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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