Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I need a beard to bite.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
