he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
