I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
