Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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