There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
