you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
