i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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