I need help removing her.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize