Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
