I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
