I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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