he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
