oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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