He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
