I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
