my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
