Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
