i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
