I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
