I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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