I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Success! We fucked roommates!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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