someone get that fucking seahorse.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize