nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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