hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The Olympian is in my bed
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
