In the future we'll all be gay
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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