dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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