I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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