I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
