I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
