DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
