we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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