Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
