On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
