being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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