Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
