about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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