just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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