update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
