Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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