I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
