Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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