Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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