I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
