i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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