Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
