There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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