batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
