if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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