I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
